The BIG Separation

WELL - today had to come (as much as I was in denial) - and we bot survived. 

With that said - I owe a great deal to my hubby - who took care of my lil man. 

It took a lot to get out the door.  Sleep did not come easily last night not to mention lil man was cranky all weekend (as if he knew I was making the transition back to work - the other four letter word).

I have been having panic attacks for the past four weeks.  The reality (cause it really is true) is that I have a pretty awesome, fun, cutting edge job.  My hours are extremely flexible and I am fortunate to work with a great group of professionals. 

I still have to leave lil man, who was with me for nine + months and permanently attached to me 24/7 for the past 12 weeks. 

I was fortunate enough to meet my lil guy for lunch, still pumping twice and preventing the "bottle" for the first day back to work.  Tomorrow - he may have to bite the bottle (pun intended).  The thought of him taking my milk from a bottle makes me cry just typing this. 

I did manage to coordinate my outfit, put on make-up, comb my hair, escape without puke on me - and nursed my lil guy to sleep prior to leaving.  I seemed to roam around a great deal, often hitting the wrong button on the elevator to the floor I thought I might work on.  I hid out in the lab and cringed when the phone rang.  Luckily I kept busy getting things in order in the lab - but I did have to venture out a few times - shrieking back for fear anyone would recognize me.  One friend noted I was "skittish."  Embarrassed to say - social interactions in the past 12 weeks have been limited and all my insecurities have returned with a vengeance!

However, all the anxiety leading up to today, that filled my day, that sped my journey home - resulted in this look when I walked through the door.....

That says it all right there....   may have returned to work - but my lil man only has heart for only me! 

And I for him....

Operation Extraction day two

Today I had a lunch planned with my good friend and wanted to leave Kiwi at home (Ok - truth be told I did not WANT to leave him home, but I am told by my true friends I need to start separating and allowing my DH to watch him for more than 30 minutes.  Sigh - they are right, soon I will be making that long three block walk back to work and he needs to be able to hang with his daddy.) 

Off I went to my lunch (ok, again - not that easy!  I was supposed to meet Ms. B at 1130 - I walked in the restaurant at 1240.  Let's see, ten extra minutes in the shower cause I was seriously regretting leaving lil man; forgot how to put make up on since I haven't really worn any since I delivered; matching outfit was a bit difficult AND my hair do wasn't doing) and leaving lil man with my big man......

They look really happy don't right?????

As I left, I was quite ambivalent to be honest with you, but had trust in both my men that they would survive at least and hour.....

<<<Insert BIG SIGH>>>

I got to the restaurant - reunited with my BFF, and immediately felt out of my element.  I felt under dressed, mis-matched and socailly inept.

REALLY???

Hubby to the rescue - texting me 20 minutes into the lunch - kiwi went to sleep as soon as I left and was grinning in his swing while sleeping (dreaming of mama I am sure).

I am happy to say that I stayed, ate, enjoyed my BFF's company AND actually ended up staying for 2.5 hours away from my lil guy.

WOW

I returned home to find my dear daughter holding, rocking actually, kiwi, watching cartoons, wearing my shirt with kiwi snuggling tight to her - but happy NOT crying.  Better yet - they didn't break into my stash of breast milk (which - did I mention - there is about 2.5 L of in the freezer???  My dear hubby is worried my milk will eventually take over the freezer displacing the food.  It has certainly displaced the ice cubes.)

A successful extraction??????????

Yes and NO ----  I feel guilty I was gone that long but happy that my family was able to bond and successfully console him in my absence.  

He was clingy (and I am not complaining - I love that I am his main squeeze) for a few hours after that and then settled into our normal routine.  

As the time clock on my maternity leave ticks away, I feel a little less anxious about my return to the work force after today's outing.  

I will always miss my lil man (as I miss my daughters) but knowing that we can both survive a separation has calmed my nerves a bit. 

I love this

I have to agree with something in this video - that I really didn't realize until I was home with the baby.  I have a big ball I sit on at work the minimal times that I sit at my desk.  It helped my poster, hips and lower back.  But - sitting at home, nursing and recovering is not easy to do on a ball.  I noticed my hips, lower back and energy level was all going down hill quickly. 
 

I tried to take daily walks with kiwi in the moby wrap but we had a very wet and cool fall.  That did not entice me to get out and walk on days he was particularly fussy and needy or I was particularly tired. 
 

Now that I am feeling a bit more like my old self and kiwi is becoming a little more independent (aka - hanging with dad or sissy for more than five minutes without my presence) I have been regularly running.  That still doesn't take care of the issue of me sitting and nursing, sometimes for up to an hour depending on how needy he is. 

I wish there was a way to do this an nurse???

But, at the very least, I would like something like this at my desk at work. 

Reclaiming the morning

As the clock goes tick tick tick on my maternity leave, ripping my baby from my arms and me from him, we have been doing small things to ease back into work for both me and Kiwi. 

One of the things we have done is devote morning time to my hubby.  Many mornings I may be up and out the door by 0800 meaning prep time for work will take place while hubby is getting the girls up and out the door.  I have been giving up Kiwi (from my warm embrace) in the morning so that my hubby can balance him and the rest of the morning routine. 

In the past two weeks it has gone well.  He holds Kiwi (or one of the girls) and manages breakfast and girls out the door on time.  Kiwi has even begun the routine of napping till about 1130 every morning (and God help the person who interupts this time of napping for whatever reason other than booby time).

This morning was hillarious and my hubby handled it well.  

It went something like this.....

I nursed lil man all night with a final feeding somewhere around 0630ish.... 

Hubby was up and about somewhere around 0630ish....

Hubby takes Kiwi somewhere around 0645ish....

Hubby arouses the girls somewhere around 0700ish.....

Somewhere inbetween or around these two events he changes Kiwi and dresses him.....

Insert Glitch

Ro walks in and says (while I try to get some uninterrupted sleep) "dad's giving kekeboo a bath."

I respond - "ok sounds nice"  

Insert delayed thought process

Mom proceeds to climb out of bed "why in the blazes is he giving him a bath now"

Hubby trying to defuse the situation "all is well just go back to bed I'm on it."

Zombie mom (that's me) stumbling around trying to get breakfast for the girls to "help out" while hubby telling me to "go back to bed would you - I got this"

Insert crash, bang, boom, scatter

Mom just spilled the entire box of Corn Pops on the counter (see our cereal is on the absolute top shelf in our kitchen - why this hasn't happened before this is beyond me!  Why it had to happen today is even further beyond my grasp!)

Hubby starts yelling at zombie wife (that would be me) "for the love I GOT THIS - go back to bed now I have two messes to clean up."  

Zombie mom (that's me again), walking back to bed turns to say "what mess?"

Ro - "poop mom poop!  poop ALL OVER, from heel to head, knee to arm pit!"

Kiwi (sitting in bath tub) - coo, smile, coo, giggle, splashing water

Hubby - "it was beyond comprehension - just unbelievable a baby his size could make such a mess"

Zombie mom - ROFLMNBO "k - your on it - going to take my 'nap'"

Hubby - "don't worry about me - I got this - I am on it!  All is well!  Isn't it Kiwi?"

Kiwi - (sitting in bath tub) - coo, smile, coo, giggle, splashing water

Here is to my SAHD who handled all of this with aplumb:

1. Girls dressed, fed and off to school on time.
2. Kiwi bathed, dressed and down for his nap by 0800
3. Mom oblivious to how he did this (and that's a good place for mom to be)!

Kiwi's Santa Hat

I did it!  I got my creative juices flowing and developed a santa hat for Kiwi.  He, of course, was a part of the whole design process - enjoying the yarn craft like a true knitter to be. 

While I knit it he would try it on so I could make sure I was sizing the hat correctly.  I think he kinda looks like my lil elf here.  

I think at one point, if I could have handed him the needles he would have helped me knit.  Many times he would be sitting on my lap while I knit, using his feet to play with the yarn.  He is at the age that he is discovering all his body parts and fascinated by how they work.  He would sit for many minutes trying to manipulate the yarn with his toes and feet.  Occasionally he would wrap his hands around the yarn as well.  All the time cooing and smiling. 


The end result was a hat I was happy with but a pattern that alluded me.  I wish I had written while I knit - but multi-tasking also still alludes me. 

I am now working on a hat for my older daughter so I am tweaking the pattern.  My first real pattern I am kinda proud of.

It was after 0100 when I finally finished the hat, details and all, and kiwi was knocked out.

He modeled without protest but the best picture I could get was these two.  I think he looks like the best Christmas present ever!

He wore it to the One of a Kind show today.  He quickly became the center of attention.  Eventually we took the hat off because it was causing too much attention and waking him up.  He was snuggled in the moby wrap sleeping soundly.  That was soon disrupted and so was our tour of the show.

Regardless - he likes his hat and now I am rushing to get two more done for my girls for our Christmas pictures to go on the Christmas cards I have yet to order. 


Let the Christmas festivities begin!  I am back in my knitting groove. 

Operation Extraction Day One

Hear that sound.... shhhhhh... listen closely......  (tick tick tick tick)

What's that sound?

My maternity leave ticking away!!!!!!

Like sands through the hour glass so are the days left on my maternity leave (oh how I wish I was in the UK).

In heeding  the advice of my dear friends, who have listened to my concerns over returning to work or experiencing my panic attacks with me, I have begun the extraction of my lil man from my 24/7 presence (insert sob here).

I needed to run an errand (a small one - but knew I could get it done quicker than strapping Kiwi in my wrap and walking) and Natalie stepped up and watched Cillian for me.  Of course - she had help from her lil sissy - Rowan. 

Off I went, texting a few times (till she told me to stop all was well she would contact me if needed), and took care of my errand. 

Total time gone - barely an hour - but it seemed like 8 hours. 

I returned home to Kiwi playing with the girls, happy and cooing. 

Funny - when I walked in - lil man took one look in my direction, pouted, and started to cry till I was holding him in my arms (not nursing, just holding). 

It's a good thing - only in the eyes of me.  My friends would say he needs less of me right now or my return to work will be rough for all involved.......

I'm struggling here - but know they are right (and praying fervently that God will give me strength!)

Congratulations to my man!!!

 It started about nine months ago (hmmmmm) and today came to fruition - my hubby running the Chicago Marathon!!!!!!

Let me start at the beginning - we (as in my hubby and I) pledged to run the marathon TOGETHER as a part of our Church's pledge to support World Vision. 

When it came time to sign up - I was feeling "under the weather" and maybe just maybe thought (hoped) I might be (was) pregnant.  Needless to say - my hubby signed up and I did not (unbeknownst to him - the real reason why I did not).

Norm trained, was encouraged by us and our prayers for an injury free running season, and raised money (many of you supported him - and thank you!)

Today - we as a family - were there to see him through to the finish line!  And when I mean "we" I mean Rowan, Natalie and Kiwi (less than two weeks old mind you - meaning I was less than two weeks post partum.  A miracle in and of itself). 

We waited at various pit stops on the 26.2 mile course - with his favorite at Clark street - to cheer him on with signs, high fives and a hug from me/kiss from Kiwi.




Watching our man progress through the race was so much fun (and tiring)!  We were not alone (crowded it was with other family and friends rooting others along)!

The smile on our face had us pushing on to the next pit stop and eventually to the finish line!

Girls Solo Trip - out and about

The girls have been bugging me to take their lil brother out for a walk.  We got the stroller out (here is my caveat - I do not believe in strollers.  I actually hate them.  The baby is so much happier near you, being held by you, hearing your heart beat and smelling you.  Flame away) that was generously given to us by a dear friend. 

It's an Uppa stroller - the cadillac of strollers as I understand.  To me it looks like a Pram - and somehow a Pram is much better than a stroller. 

I had nursed him asleep and he was bundled up and set.  The girls wanted to walk around the block, as if they were "Babysitting" with mama out of the picture. 

I took a deep breath, instructed them to stay on the sidewalk, no crossing streets, no crazy speeds and avoidance of bumps.

I also made the swear they would get along AND carry their cell phones. 

I wish I could say my girls got along, apparently there was a power struggle on who would push and who would wave.....

But in the end - they had a blast wheeling Kiwi around in the Pram and gave mom a few minutes of silence.

Oddly - I felt out of place without my lil man.  Upon their return, despite the fact he was still snoozing, I scooped him up to snuggle with till he woke for his next feeding.

Life does not get better than this........

Out for a walk

Today we ventured out for a walk - using the moby wrap for the first time - and strolled about a mile or so before coming home.  It felt great, thank goodness for yoga pants, and gave me a burst of energy I was desperately needing after the all day nursing marathon. 

We ran into some friends while we were out and stopped to talk for a while.

I must have left my brain at the hospital, I wish they would call and let me know that they found it, because it was all I could do to answer yes and no questions. 

I think, looking at the photo, I look like I'm in a fog. 

The truth, I am completely and utterly enamored in my lil guy as he has me wrapped around his little finger.

Praise God for wonderful weather, the city we live in and his ever faithfulness to what is heavy in our hearts. 

It's a BOY!

After 18 plus hours (more than that actually but we fibbed a little to take the pressure off my normally long labors) Cillian Edward Mobley made his appearance into this world!

Cillian Edward Mobley at 2135 on 9/202011

In the words of my husband, with that final push, "it's a boy - and he's perfect!"

Perfect indeed he is!

Weighing in at 4.012 KG he every gram a boy!

We were blessed by a wonderful mid-wife, a great tag team of two doulas and a caring primary nurse.  The girls were there for the entire labor and in the end Natalie became the rock that got me through transition and to completion (while she will lead you to believe that her hand is still numb from my squeezing).  

I don't think this is something that any of us will forget for a long time.

Praise God for his continued Grace and Mercy

Another Miracle

As many of you know, the baby was discovered to be Breech (leading me to believe that this lil guy is a guy cause a girl would stop and ask for directions on the proper way out) last week leaving us with choices that were not on my list of delivery options. 

Today - at the bright hour of 0800 - my hubby and prego self trek'd on down to the OB unit at the hospital for an external version.  I had tried to prepare myself for a crash c-section, successful version but induced labor or worse - a planned c-section d/t failed version.  (A granola nut tree hugging woman like me with two water births under her belt and a combined total of 4 years of breast feeding was not digging these options). 

There was a great deal of prayer going on in my house this weekend not to mention breech exercises and some humor provided by my girls.  At one point I was laying with my feet in the air, on my bed, in the privacy (insert British accent) of my room, with Peter Gabriel playing at the pubic area and me massaging the baby towards the head down position, and in walked my lil Ro with her minions to stare at me.  I heard one minion say "what's you mom doing" to which my reply was "trying to flip the baby - Rowan - please leave and shut the door." 

The girls drew lovely lil arrows on my belly directing the baby to the head down position along with hearts and flowers and notes of love (this was the most wonderful thing they could have done to support me than anything else).  

My hubby tried to do his best to support me but I could tell he was struggling to understand all that was concerning and upsetting to me (bless his heart).

 We even did the casting of my belly - for fear that this would be the last weekend it was mommy and baby as opposed to mom and baby "insert girl or boy."   I spent several alone minutes rubbing the belly, talking to my baby and praying I could give up control to God and relax. 

We took many bump pictures and resolved ourselves that this was the last night as a family expecting. 

Which brings me to this morning......

What's that you ask?????

That's a head - yup a head!

PRAISE GOD - a beautiful head in the HEAD DOWN position!

Did I mention this was BEFORE the version?

Yup - BEFORE the version!

this baby - smarter than you can imagine - by the Grace of God - flipped.  He (or she) FLIPPED on his (or her) own!!!!

Ok, this is where I tell you that I:

a. didn't believe it and asked for three different US looks

b. knew exactly when it happened after it was confimred

and.....

c.  CRIED - tears of joy, tears of faith and tears of anxiety leaving my body

Praise God for his continued Grace, Faithfulness and Control 

It's really quite silly.... or not

Today was the US!  The one day that most prego women can't wait for.  I was really quite underwhelmed by it all.  This is our third baby and I am just thankful that this gift from God is growing inside of me. 

To say I was a little stressed about getting the US done is an understatement.  I didn't even know how stressed until the warm gel hit the belly and the probe made contact.  It's such a hard sell now for all these screenings, amnios, US and genetic work ups.  My hubby and I went into this pregnancy praising God for the opportunity to be parents again and felt very strongly that whatever God gave us was what God wanted.  A screening result would not have changed anything in the course of our pregnancy. 

As soon as the probe made contact with the belly I started crying.  Not tearing up, CRYING.  A fountain of tears came pouring out.  Poor US tech thought I was uncomfortable from the US and my overly full bladder (which I then got to empty). 

What caused this outpouring of tears - the most amazing, beautiful, sight that I could have laid eyes on

 

A beautiful, perfectly created, baby.  A four chambered heart, perfect head circumference, abdominal organs all intact, spinal cord complete, two arms and two legs measuring right at the dates estimated (not too big not too small).  He/she even did acrobatic moves while being filmed.  

Tears of Joy, Tears of Stress - but most of all Tears of Praise that God once again shows his hand in our lives in such a small, yet so big, way!

PRAISE GOD!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Today was a very low keyed Mother's Day.  I tried to keep it low key as my husband is still mourning the loss of his mom over a year ago. 

To me - the greatest Gift from God was my girls and the most recent gift of my pregnancy. 

I could ask for nothing more.

Today - pleasantly surprised - the girls came home from their social outing to tell us they were joining us for Church because:

1. They didn't want to miss Church
2. It's mom's day

While I was shocked and thought that they would be exhausted it was also quite an honor to have Natalie, my oldest, join me in church today.  Her youth group, which meets on Sunday at 0900, does not meet at the 1100 service so her place was with us.  It was a very special treat.  (And a huge show of where she is in her Christian Faith walk.)

For dinner we had grilled beets, asparagus and caprese salad.  YUM  Ok - there was a crock pot full of spare ribs but I just can't tolerate meat, still.  But - the veggies hit a home run! 

For desert Rowan (my sidekick) and I walked briskly to Trader Joes to get a flourless chocolate cake and malt ball cookies. 

Now - I want to chill out, knit and try to mentally prep myself for the beginning of the work week.....

Sigh.....

For now it's good to reflect on the gift of motherhood that I am so very thankful for!

Praise God!

The Bump!

Have I mentioned I LOVE being pregnant!  Just the thought that I am mylenating and gestating fills my life with joy.  To feel that lil guy moving just adds to that.

I am on the cusp of 20 weeks - a time when you can breath a little easier, sit back, feel the baby move daily and know that it's a cake walk from here on out.

So happy I am prego but so not happy with people asking me when I am going to look prego.  So - here is my BUMP at the cusp of 20wga.  There is a bump!

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!

NMW update

Today Rowan attended my NMW appointment with me.  It was an honor to have her join me at the appointment. 

It appears that pregnancy agrees with me......

Total weight gain since start of pregnancy I have gained a total of 7 pounds with an initial wt loss of 4 pounds.  So + 3.  (not that I am counting - I can run all I want after the baby is born)

Vitals -
HR 60
BP 100/60
RR 24 (ok I'm a bit of a retainer right now)

Rowan was able to hear the FHTs and was fascinated by all the NMW does in comparison to a doctor's visit.  She was struck mostly by the fact they "listen" and gave me a huge opportunity to ask as many questions as I wanted. 

The most interesting thing she liked was the Leopold's maneuver which apparently revealed I am measuring three weeks higher than I should be.  I could have told her the baby was high - but why my bladder still feels squished I'll never know.  I can barely run/walk a mile before I need to search for a port-a-potty and that's with a bathroom break prior to my workout. 

Two things you don't want to hear at your check up.  "well either your baby is 'BIG' or you might have two in there." 

REALLY?

I'm not questioning this beautiful gift that God gave us - but really?  I know that sometimes he does give us more than we think we can handle because he wants us to rely on him...  but twins? 

I guess the only thing left to say is - "Praise God" for a healthy pregnancy that seems to agree with me!

It popped out!

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror while getting ready this morning and this is what I saw.......

YUP - the bump is there.... 

I no longer look "thick" in the middle - there is a BUMP!!!!!

A hard, formed bump that has movement! 

I started crying....

Of course the Fact's of Life Reunion on GMA didn't help!

PRAISE GOD!

Dinner tonight - Pot Roast and Cranberries - brought to you by Stephanie O'Dea

I altered the dish slightly -

• she mentioned that it was a dry roast - so I doubled the red wine which added immensely to the flavor.
• I changed out the cranberries for cherries - which is supposed to be "good" for a person in my condition
• added carrots to the pot as a side veggies which made yummy carrots.

The verdict- 3 out of the 5 of us (baby included) gave it thumbs up.  I have no appetite right now - and especially meat.  I made the pot roast because my hubby thinks that every night should be a meat night.  Me - if I had meat once a year I would be happy.

However  - I think this one will be going on the "make again list and don't alter."

Cheeres!

Sitting here rubbing my belly feeling very maternal.....

You see - I played this song during both of my pregnancies and during labor and it was the only song that put them to sleep when they were cranky....

Although this is the version I remember.....



I'm continuing the tradition - thank you Peter Gabriel!

Finished Product

This morning, unable to sleep - I got up and finished the other end of the star blanket!

 Natalie and Rowan LOVE the blanket.

Although there is now jealous, amongst the ranks, that the baby is getting custom made outfits.  I tried to explain to them that they too had hand made outfits, only they had hand sewn outfits.

I find that I am very unproductive at night and very productive in the wee hours of the AM.

Unfortunately, my photo taking skills are lacking.  And I just couldn't find a creative way to display the blanket.




I have been looking through the book trying to decide what to make next.

A fabulous book for anyone expecting or anyone knitting for someone expecting!

First Yoga Class

No not my first yoga class but my first pre-natal yoga class with this baby!

It was so refreshing, relaxing and limbering.....

I did yoga with Rowan but it was on my own with DVD's cause we lived in rural Michigan with no yoga class in a 30 mile radius much less a prenatal yoga class.

Then - I found out that the instructor, who teaches at the hospital, also owns Infuse Yoga Studio.  I found out I can also go on Monday and Fridays!  I am so excited!!!  Yoga is so special during pregnancy!

I am convinced this is what made my delivery with Rowan much easier - all 36 hours of it. 

Namaste!

Praise God!!!