Some things have not changed.....

Just before Cillian graced us with his appearance I wrote this post about how long it took me to get around. 

It's funny - as I was getting ready this morning - I was reminded of this post. 

I get up anywhere between 0400 and 0500 to start my morning routine and I am lucky if I am out the door by 0830, let alone dressed (in clothes that match and are free of puke, drool and wrinkles - latter being the least of my worries) , make up on, hair combed and mentally aware of where I am going.

My routine:

1. Wake up and feed kiwi (many times just laying there, both of us, staring at each other and having conversations that only a mom can have with her son).
2. Take a 30 minute shower (ok maybe not 30 minutes but it isn't a five minute shower)
3. Get partially dressed, wander around, drink some water, fix the hair, apply some make-up, wander more, get completely dressed, maybe wander more, fix the hair and maybe I am ready?
4. Nurse my lil man again - this time to sleep (which may take longer) again, just relishing every minute of his lil self before I head out into the wicked world of work.
5. Gather up my stuff, that I swore I put all in one place last night BUT then I remember I fell asleep nursing kiwi telling myself that I needed to get up when he was asleep.  (HA!)

Referring back to this post - it's so true - I was preparing for my lil man to take over my life.  A small sacrifice (losing my brain, mental capacity, ability to function and interact) to make for such a precious gift from God.

The BIG Separation

WELL - today had to come (as much as I was in denial) - and we bot survived. 

With that said - I owe a great deal to my hubby - who took care of my lil man. 

It took a lot to get out the door.  Sleep did not come easily last night not to mention lil man was cranky all weekend (as if he knew I was making the transition back to work - the other four letter word).

I have been having panic attacks for the past four weeks.  The reality (cause it really is true) is that I have a pretty awesome, fun, cutting edge job.  My hours are extremely flexible and I am fortunate to work with a great group of professionals. 

I still have to leave lil man, who was with me for nine + months and permanently attached to me 24/7 for the past 12 weeks. 

I was fortunate enough to meet my lil guy for lunch, still pumping twice and preventing the "bottle" for the first day back to work.  Tomorrow - he may have to bite the bottle (pun intended).  The thought of him taking my milk from a bottle makes me cry just typing this. 

I did manage to coordinate my outfit, put on make-up, comb my hair, escape without puke on me - and nursed my lil guy to sleep prior to leaving.  I seemed to roam around a great deal, often hitting the wrong button on the elevator to the floor I thought I might work on.  I hid out in the lab and cringed when the phone rang.  Luckily I kept busy getting things in order in the lab - but I did have to venture out a few times - shrieking back for fear anyone would recognize me.  One friend noted I was "skittish."  Embarrassed to say - social interactions in the past 12 weeks have been limited and all my insecurities have returned with a vengeance!

However, all the anxiety leading up to today, that filled my day, that sped my journey home - resulted in this look when I walked through the door.....

That says it all right there....   may have returned to work - but my lil man only has heart for only me! 

And I for him....

City travel

Yesterday I had lunch with my "boss" as I stare down the end of my maternity leave.

Kiwi came with. I don't know - maybe to plead his case on why mommy can't leave. (lol)

Yesterday was our first cold day with snow (don't get too excited - it was like a mm of snow).

No fear kiwi was snug as a bug in a rug OR a little elf in a pouch....

Yup that's how we roll in the city.

Operation Extraction day two

Today I had a lunch planned with my good friend and wanted to leave Kiwi at home (Ok - truth be told I did not WANT to leave him home, but I am told by my true friends I need to start separating and allowing my DH to watch him for more than 30 minutes.  Sigh - they are right, soon I will be making that long three block walk back to work and he needs to be able to hang with his daddy.) 

Off I went to my lunch (ok, again - not that easy!  I was supposed to meet Ms. B at 1130 - I walked in the restaurant at 1240.  Let's see, ten extra minutes in the shower cause I was seriously regretting leaving lil man; forgot how to put make up on since I haven't really worn any since I delivered; matching outfit was a bit difficult AND my hair do wasn't doing) and leaving lil man with my big man......

They look really happy don't right?????

As I left, I was quite ambivalent to be honest with you, but had trust in both my men that they would survive at least and hour.....

<<<Insert BIG SIGH>>>

I got to the restaurant - reunited with my BFF, and immediately felt out of my element.  I felt under dressed, mis-matched and socailly inept.

REALLY???

Hubby to the rescue - texting me 20 minutes into the lunch - kiwi went to sleep as soon as I left and was grinning in his swing while sleeping (dreaming of mama I am sure).

I am happy to say that I stayed, ate, enjoyed my BFF's company AND actually ended up staying for 2.5 hours away from my lil guy.

WOW

I returned home to find my dear daughter holding, rocking actually, kiwi, watching cartoons, wearing my shirt with kiwi snuggling tight to her - but happy NOT crying.  Better yet - they didn't break into my stash of breast milk (which - did I mention - there is about 2.5 L of in the freezer???  My dear hubby is worried my milk will eventually take over the freezer displacing the food.  It has certainly displaced the ice cubes.)

A successful extraction??????????

Yes and NO ----  I feel guilty I was gone that long but happy that my family was able to bond and successfully console him in my absence.  

He was clingy (and I am not complaining - I love that I am his main squeeze) for a few hours after that and then settled into our normal routine.  

As the time clock on my maternity leave ticks away, I feel a little less anxious about my return to the work force after today's outing.  

I will always miss my lil man (as I miss my daughters) but knowing that we can both survive a separation has calmed my nerves a bit. 

I love this

I have to agree with something in this video - that I really didn't realize until I was home with the baby.  I have a big ball I sit on at work the minimal times that I sit at my desk.  It helped my poster, hips and lower back.  But - sitting at home, nursing and recovering is not easy to do on a ball.  I noticed my hips, lower back and energy level was all going down hill quickly. 
 

I tried to take daily walks with kiwi in the moby wrap but we had a very wet and cool fall.  That did not entice me to get out and walk on days he was particularly fussy and needy or I was particularly tired. 
 

Now that I am feeling a bit more like my old self and kiwi is becoming a little more independent (aka - hanging with dad or sissy for more than five minutes without my presence) I have been regularly running.  That still doesn't take care of the issue of me sitting and nursing, sometimes for up to an hour depending on how needy he is. 

I wish there was a way to do this an nurse???

But, at the very least, I would like something like this at my desk at work. 

This Christmas Shop Homemade and American

  This Christmas take the pledge to shop homemade and American!  Click on the link above to sign the pledge.  

Reclaiming the morning

As the clock goes tick tick tick on my maternity leave, ripping my baby from my arms and me from him, we have been doing small things to ease back into work for both me and Kiwi. 

One of the things we have done is devote morning time to my hubby.  Many mornings I may be up and out the door by 0800 meaning prep time for work will take place while hubby is getting the girls up and out the door.  I have been giving up Kiwi (from my warm embrace) in the morning so that my hubby can balance him and the rest of the morning routine. 

In the past two weeks it has gone well.  He holds Kiwi (or one of the girls) and manages breakfast and girls out the door on time.  Kiwi has even begun the routine of napping till about 1130 every morning (and God help the person who interupts this time of napping for whatever reason other than booby time).

This morning was hillarious and my hubby handled it well.  

It went something like this.....

I nursed lil man all night with a final feeding somewhere around 0630ish.... 

Hubby was up and about somewhere around 0630ish....

Hubby takes Kiwi somewhere around 0645ish....

Hubby arouses the girls somewhere around 0700ish.....

Somewhere inbetween or around these two events he changes Kiwi and dresses him.....

Insert Glitch

Ro walks in and says (while I try to get some uninterrupted sleep) "dad's giving kekeboo a bath."

I respond - "ok sounds nice"  

Insert delayed thought process

Mom proceeds to climb out of bed "why in the blazes is he giving him a bath now"

Hubby trying to defuse the situation "all is well just go back to bed I'm on it."

Zombie mom (that's me) stumbling around trying to get breakfast for the girls to "help out" while hubby telling me to "go back to bed would you - I got this"

Insert crash, bang, boom, scatter

Mom just spilled the entire box of Corn Pops on the counter (see our cereal is on the absolute top shelf in our kitchen - why this hasn't happened before this is beyond me!  Why it had to happen today is even further beyond my grasp!)

Hubby starts yelling at zombie wife (that would be me) "for the love I GOT THIS - go back to bed now I have two messes to clean up."  

Zombie mom (that's me again), walking back to bed turns to say "what mess?"

Ro - "poop mom poop!  poop ALL OVER, from heel to head, knee to arm pit!"

Kiwi (sitting in bath tub) - coo, smile, coo, giggle, splashing water

Hubby - "it was beyond comprehension - just unbelievable a baby his size could make such a mess"

Zombie mom - ROFLMNBO "k - your on it - going to take my 'nap'"

Hubby - "don't worry about me - I got this - I am on it!  All is well!  Isn't it Kiwi?"

Kiwi - (sitting in bath tub) - coo, smile, coo, giggle, splashing water

Here is to my SAHD who handled all of this with aplumb:

1. Girls dressed, fed and off to school on time.
2. Kiwi bathed, dressed and down for his nap by 0800
3. Mom oblivious to how he did this (and that's a good place for mom to be)!